Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/think-employers-babykilling-xFFJ8lWqQ7Tuo
A word that we all use jokingly here and there when we quote mean girls and real housewives, and I'm happy to say as someone that works in a junior high, a word that is seemingly slowly exiting the average young woman's vocabulary, but a word that still mainly exists out of hatred and hurt. A word that I have absolutely vowed to take the negative power away from.
I already know what some of you are thinking: "oh, this annoying feminazi crap. I've heard it all before! The movement to stop slut shaming is just so women who like to sleep around can feel better about themselves!" Well, I'm here to offer a few different perspectives for you, as someone who has been called a slut a time or two, and experienced just what that does to a woman's life.
The first time I was ever called a slut I was ten years old. Yeah, I'm serious, ten. Like still rocking Lasenza elastic waist jeans and tee shirts that said things like "attitude" in sparkly letters, and getting called a slut. And no, it wasn't a joke. A girl at school called me a slut because I had crushes on two different boys in my class, and when the teacher spoke to us about the incident, I heard something even more horrifying: "well, my mom said thats what you call a girl like her." A girl like me? What the hell does that mean? A girl who wears aforementioned elastic waist jeans? I didn't even have a butt to fill them out!
Ten years old..... yikes. You can imagine how that evolved for me into the sixth and seventh grade when my parents allowed me to "date", which of course at that age meant permission to awkwardly call someone's house phone once per day and stand next to them at recess without actually making eye contact or speaking. I hadn't even kissed a boy until I was in seventh grade, let alone slept with one! But hey, according to many girls and boys in my school, I was a total slut. So I was supposed to feel crappy for having a sexuality? For wanting to form relationships with the opposite sex? Well, I sure did feel crappy. And when someone feels guilty for having a normal and healthy sexuality, it opens a few dark doors.
At 15, I was still called a slut left and right (despite NOT having multiple sexual partners), so not only did I have that extremely inaccurate reputation with my peers, but other people started to notice. People even tried to hurt my younger sister and tell her what a slut I was, making up a bunch of stories of "slutty" things I'd done. It didn't stop there. Older men noticed. It even got to the point where a much older community member figured he could sexually harass me and not have me tell on him because of the shame I should have felt for being such a slut. Luckily, he did get his. I say luckily, because I know many sexual harassment situations don't end in the bastard getting what he deserves. Especially if the girl is a "slut"; she asked for it, she brought it on. I can tell you as a 15 year old who had had sex once, I sure wasn't asking for a married man in his 30s to proposition me for sexual favours. Nor did I ask for 80% of the cab drivers who drove me home from the bar in University to call me "sexy" just because I was in a short skirt, or my first land lord (who was well into his sixties) to ask if he could come over "for a drink" while my roommates were gone. Or my abusive ex to constantly hold my sexual history against me, reminding me that no one likes a slut and I was lucky he could even stand me.
Keep in mind, everyone has a different opinion of what a slut is. My catholic elementary school taught me that liking boys made you a slut (seriously?). My high school taught me that having sex with your boyfriend made you a slut (SERIOUSLY?). I've read articles that say the average canadian woman sleeps with 8 men, some that say 3, and some that say 20. We can't deem a certain way of women embracing our sexualities "bad", when "bad" isn't universal. Because somehow this label is cast on women not only unreasonably, but in a way that permits others to treat them like they aren't human. Sexuality is GOOD. Sex is not bad! It's human! Birds do it! Bees do it! I know you're singing right now! Why the hell is it ANYONE'S business who anyone else has sex with?! IT ISN'T! Even if a woman does have multiple sexual partners-- if she enjoys it why the HELL should that be anyone's problem? It sure ain't hers-- she's having a great time, honey! Shaming women, especially young women, about having and enjoying sex will make them try to hide it and when they are hiding it they can't ask for help making sure they're having safe sex so they end up pregnant or with an STI and DIE. Okay maybe not die, but still..... the shame causes issues, people!
So that is why I obnoxiously call people out for using this terrible word. That's why I will stop you mid-sentence or joke and loudly exclaim "don't slut shame" and let you go back to what you were saying. Because I was slut shamed, and had I not found the confidence to rise above that crap, I could have been in a lot worse situations than men making rude comments and asking for sex. And there are a lot of women I have met in my travels who did end up in those situations. My heart breaks for them, and for the people who have no idea what damage they did with their nasty words. So don't be a part of the problem. Let other women let that freak flag fly! Even queen Meryl is making it her own.
Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/meryl-streep-its-complicated-jane-adler-Z9hlKehkFDOh2
Oh, and don't forget to sparkle
xoxoxxxoxx
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